It's been a week now. My family has been meeting up a lot, going up to see Diane and yesterday I took up the final-ish draft of the eulogy. I think she'd dismiss the idea that it was for her approval, because she's so supportive of everyone contributing in their own way, but I really did want her to hear it first. Fortunately she loved it (Weirdest statement ever. She 'loved' it. Yeesh.), which is a huge relief.
Together we've all spent so much time reminiscing; the funny thing about all of this is that we can be howling with laughter and crying bitterly at the same time. I've spent most of the last week crying -- on buses, in Sainsbury's, on Matthew, in the shower -- and while necessary, it's wonderful when everything suddenly shifts back to normal and I can laugh. Granddad took great joy in life, so it rather feels like a disservice not to follow suit.
Thank you hugely to everyone who has left a message (here and elsewhere), I cannnot begin to express how grateful I am. Here are some other things that have made me happy this past week:
1. I finished Mum's Uptown Boot Socks -- just under 2 months in the making!
2. Funny ladies cracking each other up. (Though really could have done with the whole interview -- that would have been awesome.)
3. Ali's Gurkha Trek. I'm so, so proud of her. It's an incredible accomplishment.
4. The Orange, via Alice.
5. Seeing Alice in a rare visit to the Socktoshop where I bought Artist's Palette Big Softy for Ysolda's Hap Blanket. Actually, this is a bit of a three-fer: seeing Alice was lovely, the yarn is divine and Ysolda's pattern is wonderfully methodical and rhythmic -- all this combine to Just What I Needed.
6. My first pepper harvest of the season -- it's the size of an acorn squash!
7. A very cute summer top, which is begging to be knit.
8. Matthew, who has made me dinner and let me crawl into his lap and listened to the same stories over and over again (and always laughs in the right places) and pulled me close even when I tried to resist. I'm extraordinarily lucky.
I'm glad you're holding up, or at least being held up by others. Much love to you, dear one. You can come cry on me anytime you want, if you don't mind the long flight to get here!
Posted by: 'Lista | July 26, 2009 at 08:53 PM
Glad you are doing better. Crying is good. My grandpa died yesterday so very unexpectedly, he was 85 and pretty healthy; my cousin found him by the door in his flat, he was getting the paper with the breakfast being laid on the table and all. the only things that makes not as awful is that it happened very quickly, or at least I hope it did:(. so so sad. ((hugs))
Posted by: Katy | July 26, 2009 at 10:52 AM
Wow. I've just read what's happened. Everything I always want to say in such a situation always sounds extremely hollow, but I really do mean it: My very greatest condolences, I'm so sorry for your loss. I am glad that you have a great support network around you to help you through: it is only when it is dark that we can see the stars.
x
Posted by: little_lj | July 21, 2009 at 07:43 PM